Sunday, August 14, 2011
Hold Me Accountable (that's ok) But Just Know...
Had a pretty awesome thing happen at work the other night... I was *starving* about an hour before I get out of work due to an earlier-than-usual lunch, so I grabbed a chocolate milk from the work fridge to tide me over. (gasp!) I know, I know -- I haven't had hardly anything of that magnitude (or that HFCS-laden) since my journey began almost 6 months ago. But, I'll get to that in a minute...
One of my coworkers (who knows of my healthy journey) walked by my desk as I downed the Chug & gasped, "NO! You are NOT drinking chocolate milk! You do not need that crap! Do NOT backslide on me now, woman! I need you for inspiration & to help keep me in check!!"
It caught me off-guard. Not because she was scolding me, but because (a) she was invested in my success, and (b) my success or failure helped her along her journey. It was really sweet, and completely unexpected. :)
Now, we're not the kind of coworkers that hang out together. I won't be invited to her wedding next month (& I'm totally ok with that). We're cordial & casual & we ask each other about the small-talk points in our lives. But she's aware of my friend Chane't passing away this past December & of the changes that I've made since then. I even talked her into going to her first Zumba class (which she loved). I know she just trained for the Warrior Dash this month. But I never would have guessed that I inspired her in any way (she's been "fit" & active for the years). That admission made me want to be better...
But, as I told her, the great thing about this change I've made (& about it being a lifestyle change & not a DIET) is that I can have an indulgence now & then, and it doesn't derail the whole train. It's the old 80/20 rule (though for me, it's probably more 90/10) -- and when you live to your best 80% of the time, the other 20% doesn't hit you as hard & it's easier to bounce back. I'm not talking "living for cheat days" or having one thing at each meal that is outside my eating regimen. I mean that an indulgence, when needed (whether due to being on vacation or nowhere near a better food choice or at your boss's house, whom you don't want to insult), doesn't mean you're a failure & it doesn't mean that you have to throw out the baby with the bathwater. Living well doesn't mean living to perfection; it just means making the best choices that you can, as often as you can.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Pro-Plus-Size Does Not Mean Anti-Skinny
In my lifetime, I have heard many plus-size women put down thinner women in an effort to make themselves feel better. Everything from point-blank comments about how they need to "eat a cheeseburger" to the more subtle put-downs hidden in supposedly pro-plus-size slogans like "real women have curves". These same women who would be aghast if someone were to make a comment to them about putting the fork down or the weight limit on a ride somehow have convinced themselves that it's ok for them to think & say what they do about thinner women.
On one level, this is disturbing to me because it emulates the negativity that these same plus-size women get from the rest of society -- but somehow it's ok for them to make disparaging comments about the thinner women --why, exactly? Because society itself doesn't pick them apart as much, so it's ok for them to do it, to what - even out the scales? It's typical abused/abuser behavior -- they hear negative comments about their body, and even though they KNOW how horrible that makes them feel about themselves & their own body, they somehow become the abuser themselves & pass on that same behavior to other women. How about we break the cycle of abuse instead? How about we not only not talk negatively about OURSELVES, but we not talk negatively about anyone else either -- regardless of whether she looks like you or not?
But what's worse than that, in my opinion, is when women try to pass their negativity off as simply being "pro-plus-size". For example, the previously-named slogan "real women have curves" -- what this implies is that if you don't have curves, you're not a real woman. I get that this came from a place of good intention (as an anti-airbrushed model campaign), but in fact what it does is put down anyone who doesn't "have curves". So, my BEAUTIFUL, AMAZING friend who happens to be tall & lanky, and yet very much a woman of every sense -- she doesn't count, because -- WHY again?? Because you need to feel better about yourself?
Because that's what it all really comes down to, in my opinion -- the simple schoolyard behavior of putting another down in order to make oneself feel better. "If I say that she's not pretty/attractive/desirable, then that makes ME pretty/attractive/desirable by proxy." What??? :S
Can't we ALL be pretty/attractive/desirable, without having to put someone else down in order to feel that way? Can't we be "pro" _____ without having to be "anti" _____? Afterall, if you have to put someone else down in order to lift yourself up, that's not self-confidence, as there is no SELF in that action. And it's called SELF-confidence for a reason. So the next time you start to critique another woman's appearance/body type/food choices, think about how you'd feel if someone was directing that kind of negativity toward you based solely on your appearance/body type/food choices. And STOP the cycle of abuse.
On one level, this is disturbing to me because it emulates the negativity that these same plus-size women get from the rest of society -- but somehow it's ok for them to make disparaging comments about the thinner women --why, exactly? Because society itself doesn't pick them apart as much, so it's ok for them to do it, to what - even out the scales? It's typical abused/abuser behavior -- they hear negative comments about their body, and even though they KNOW how horrible that makes them feel about themselves & their own body, they somehow become the abuser themselves & pass on that same behavior to other women. How about we break the cycle of abuse instead? How about we not only not talk negatively about OURSELVES, but we not talk negatively about anyone else either -- regardless of whether she looks like you or not?
But what's worse than that, in my opinion, is when women try to pass their negativity off as simply being "pro-plus-size". For example, the previously-named slogan "real women have curves" -- what this implies is that if you don't have curves, you're not a real woman. I get that this came from a place of good intention (as an anti-airbrushed model campaign), but in fact what it does is put down anyone who doesn't "have curves". So, my BEAUTIFUL, AMAZING friend who happens to be tall & lanky, and yet very much a woman of every sense -- she doesn't count, because -- WHY again?? Because you need to feel better about yourself?
Because that's what it all really comes down to, in my opinion -- the simple schoolyard behavior of putting another down in order to make oneself feel better. "If I say that she's not pretty/attractive/desirable, then that makes ME pretty/attractive/desirable by proxy." What??? :S
Can't we ALL be pretty/attractive/desirable, without having to put someone else down in order to feel that way? Can't we be "pro" _____ without having to be "anti" _____? Afterall, if you have to put someone else down in order to lift yourself up, that's not self-confidence, as there is no SELF in that action. And it's called SELF-confidence for a reason. So the next time you start to critique another woman's appearance/body type/food choices, think about how you'd feel if someone was directing that kind of negativity toward you based solely on your appearance/body type/food choices. And STOP the cycle of abuse.
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